In this article, I’ll share confidence tips for introverts who’d like to build confidence and become confident introverts.
Confession: I used to think I’d never be as confident as my extroverted friends and colleagues.
I’d watch them excel at making small talk in social scenarios while I felt my energy drain, and I’d feel down about myself.
Or I’d compare the number of friends we had (theirs, in the double-digits while mine’s always been less than 10 close friends) and feel inadequate.
My self-esteem was wrapped up in extroverted personality traits and behaviors. I used to think of my introversion as a problem to fix or an obstacle in my way.
If I had to guess, this definition of confidence came from my childhood and what I saw in the media, and it was later reinforced in my work life and by social media.
However, once I began to learn about introversion, I began to feel more confident in my introverted skin.
I realized that confidence wasn’t just for extroverted people. I could cultivate it too.
What is confidence?
The definition of confidence is complex.
We think of confident people as being bubbly, outgoing, and social. It’s associated with extroverted traits and measured in how well someone does in social interactions.
Society teaches us that extroverted traits and behaviors are synonymous with confidence. But you don’t have to pretend to be an extrovert in order to feel confident.
This is because our society favors extroverted traits and behaviors, a phenomenon called extrovert bias that’s explored in Susan Cain’s book, Quiet.
In truth, confidence is about believing in yourself. It’s knowing you can rely on yourself and your abilities.
Confidence doesn’t have to be “out loud” to be real. It’s in how you show up for yourself and stand up for your needs and wants.
When it comes to confidence, the most important relationship is the one with yourself.
Why introverts should build their confidence
Introverts should pay special attention to building their confidence because of extrovert bias.
Extrovert bias is society’s subjective preference for extroverted traits and behaviors.
As introverts, we experience extrovert bias in several ways including:
- Feedback from friends, family, community leaders, etc.
- How school, community spaces, and working environments are set up
- What’s highlighted in the media
- Who is recognized and rewarded
This leads to untrue yet painful thoughts about introversion including:
- I’m not good enough
- There’s something wrong with me
- I have to pretend to be extroverted in order to succeed
This creates a lack of confidence. Introverted people also feel pressure to act out of alignment as a result. This can be draining.
Without taking the time to rest and recharge, that energy drain can turn into an introvert hangover or even burnout.
When introverted people commit to building their self-confidence, the results can be life-changing. They include:
- Breaking free from negative thoughts or mindsets that may be holding you back
- Empowering you to ask for what you want and need
- More energy to pursue your dreams, passions, and goals
Tips to increase your confidence as an introverted person… without pretending to be extroverted
How can introverts build their self-confidence while honoring their introverted nature? That is, without pretending to be extroverted?
Learn about your introversion
I’ve heard introversion be defined in many ways, yet almost none are objective or accurate.
Even Dictionary.com defines “introversion” as being “shy and reticent” (as of 2023). In reality, introversion is a way of processing external stimuli.
When you gain an objective definition of introversion, you can not only understand yourself better but you can shed limiting or harmful definitions and rewrite narratives about what you’re “supposed to be.”
Envision a life that supports your introversion
Picturing what life would look like if it revolved around your needs and wants as an introverted person, including ways to manage your energy and time to recharge on a daily basis, serves a powerful purpose.
Not only is it inspiring. This will help you identify the changes you’d like to make, as well as the new habits you’d like to build.
Strengthen existing routines
As you envision a life in-line with your future self, think of what’s currently working that you’d like more of. How can you fit more of that in?
In the Tiny Habits method, there are two ways to strengthen existing routines:
- Meanwhile Habits: Moments in current routines that can serve as prompts for new habits. For example, repeating an affirmation each time you stop at a red light.
- Pearl Habits: Turning stressors or irritants into positives by pairing them with helpful or productive habits. For example, taking a deep breath after you’ve been interrupted.
Increase your self-trust by starting tiny
One of the fastest ways to increase your trust in yourself is to build new habits that support you.
Building new habits gives you the opportunity to honor your commitments to yourself. The most effective way to build new habits is the Tiny Habits method.
The Tiny Habits method breaks behaviors down to their tiniest version (less than 30 seconds) so you can be consistent even on the hardest days.
It also teaches you to celebrate your small victories which is valuable in life period.
To learn more about Tiny Habits for introversion and how they can support your vision for your life, please reach out. I am a certified Tiny Habits coach and love helping others find success with Tiny Habits.
Make time for high quality rest
Spending time on rest can yield powerful results. When we are well-rested, we can think more clearly and objectively.
High quality rest is engaging: it engages the mind and the senses so you entire a state of flow and disconnect from work-related thoughts.
This disconnect acts a release valve, releasing stress. It also helps recharge energy.
After high quality rest, we have energy to move forward and also have the bandwidth to tackle more complex questions or challenges.
Lean into your introvert strengths
Introverted people are innately talented. Some of these talents include:
- Thinking more
- Being able to focus longer
- Being gifted in a specific area
- More likely to follow your moral compass
Once you’ve identified your introverted strengths, find examples of how they’ve served you in the past and think of opportunities to use them moving forward.
Find language to express your introversion
Knowing how you’d like to speak about your introversion, including your boundaries and limits, can be incredibly powerful. Having language ready to go takes the guesswork out of it.
Think of how you’d like to define your introversion. Some ideas include:
- I am an introvert vs. I lean toward introversion
- I have an introverted temperament
- My brain is wired introverted
Also think about how you’d like to speak about your introverted strengths, both in your professional and personal life.
Then, write out exactly what you’d like to say and rehearse it.
If you’re an entrepreneur, consider adding this language to your service agreements along with your preferred ways of working including:
- Communication preferences (email vs. Slack vs. phone vs. video call)
- How many meetings you’re able to accommodate in a day
- Minimum number of days you need to provide a thoughtful response
Check in with your energy levels daily
Despite adages like “one day at a time,” I’ve always been taught to plan ahead – at least a week in advance. Perhaps this is true for you too.
The catch is that this doesn’t account for normal fluctuations in energy level.
This can create pressure to stick with the original plan, as well as feelings of defeat if the original plan’s not followed.
Instead, I recommend clients plan on a daily basis, only after checking in with themselves. Once they’ve identified their energy levels, they can determine what’s doable.
Not only will you prevent feeling drained at the end of the day, but you will increase your self-trust by taking care of yourself.
Record your wins
On a daily basis, take time to reflect on your wins. They can be small wins because even small steps forward are powerful.
Take the opportunity to tie them back to your vision, to reinforce your vision. Then, write them down in a consistent place for rainy days.
One suggestion is to keep them in a journal. Another is to keep them in a jar that you can empty at the end of each quarter or year.
One last tip: Feel the feelings that come with building confidence
Sometimes choosing a better path leads to tough feelings. These can range from guilt to disappointment and even anger.
The reason being is that choosing a better path in the present shines a big, bright spotlight on all the times you didn’t choose a better path in the past.
As you move forward in service of your introversion, give yourself grace and consider an activity to forgive your past self, such as writing yourself a letter, having a forgiving conversation with your past self, or mourning what happened in order to move on.
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